Month: August 2009

Devil’s Tower for me carries some awesome old memories with it. Our trip definitely has a lot of “things Zach hasn’t seen before” but it does overlap with some previous Sanderson family vacation destinations. I’m definitely saying things like “When I was here last…” but am trying not to make it seem like comparisons: “It was much more fun last time I was here.” One thing that is certainly different, I’m in control of the steering wheel this time ’round.

When we went to Devil’s Tower (1993 maybe?) my brothers and I jumped out of the camper and played some ball in the campground. There was a river nearby but I don’t think Justin had his new fishing pole yet since he got that in Cody. He probably had to resort to throwing the mini football with his dorky younger brothers. I seem to remember the campground having fewer places then. I think that night mom cooked up a roast beef dish that was delicious after coming in with cold cheeks.

Sorry, the above paragraph wasn’t for your benefit unless you are me, Tyler or Justin. That was an awesome stop on our trip. We ended up hiking up to the visitor center exactly as Jayne and I did…

…in the PRESENT. Which is where we are now.

Now familiar with our new tent Jayne and I had the thing up in no time, complete with an awesome view of the tower. We got there at a reasonable hour to ensure a camping spot and we got one with a pretty nice flat driveway which I would later discover was prime RV parking as I watched huge contraptions fit for Cole Trickle drive by and covet the even gravel and wide turnout. Early bus gets the worm though, grandpa.

We headed straight for the visitor center which was about a two mile hike up the side of the hill that Devil’s Tower rests on. To get to the hill, our trail passed a prairie dog town. If you are not familiar, picture big mole hills with that dramatic hamster rodent chirping on top of them. Each hill is spaced evenly apart. Prairie dogs are basically the American suburbanite of the animal kingdom. Similar-looking homes, evenly spaced out with enough room to feel like they own something but not far apart enough that they get scared, accomplishing nothing but barking at any sign of potential danger.

Past the prairie dog town was the trek up the hill. The trail was marked and a steady dirt path but very narrow. It looked more like a small drainage ditch. I remember taking the trail as a kid but for some reason remember it being a lot wider. Could be because I was three feet tall then.

Halfway up the hill the wind started to blow and I thought I could hear rain in the trees further up the hill. 10 seconds later we were getting dumped on. Not thirty feet up the trail from us was the most perfect overhang. It was really cool. It looked like something from a villain’s lair in Masters of the Universe or something. The peak of the overhang was like a giant eagle’s beak hanging over to protect us.

The rain blew past pretty quickly and we hiked on, a little cooler and damper.

We saw a total of two people on the trail the whole time we were on it. This was because the same destination could be accomplished by car. When we got to the visitor center at the end of the trail we saw tons of people. The parking lot was full and flip-flop bedecked kids were crawling all over the boulders.

One family stood out to me. I tried to be cool and relax as a twenty-five year old lucky enough to not have to cart a child on my five week trip. These guys were all over the place though and there were four boys in the family. I tried to draw parallels with our visit in 93 but all I could do was hope that I was not near as annoying as Trevor, Kelvin (parents must be big temperature fans) and Reid. If I was, Mom, I apologize.

In my defense I wasn’t named Kelvin though.

The tower speaks for itself:

If you look carefully, it almost looks like several human faces, carved right into the mountain! Of course, we now know that it’s a trick of light and shadow, but still, the illusion is quite convincing, isn’t it?

Mount Rushmore was the national park with the least “national park”-type feel. For instance, fewer Canadians. Also, a perfectly smooth, paved path with several even steps was listed as a “strenuous” hike. Also, the sheer quantity of ice cream.

Probably 75% of the people I saw at the monument and the lodge were eating ice cream. The town down below (Keystone, SD) is a town built on ice cream advertisements. While we walked around the monument, we heard a bratty little child in front of us shriek at his caregiver for ice cream, upwards of ten times, in two languages. She did NOT tan his backside for this, which I thought was an interesting parenting choice.

I was amazed to see how many children got their own dish of ice cream, since one serving of ice cream was literally about 3/4 of a pint. Zach and I split one. As a childless person, I like to judge other people’s parenting. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel strong.

In the evenings, they run a little patriotic film about the accomplishments of the four presidents along with a lighting ceremony. Afterward they invited current and retired military people down to the stage to be thanked. It was all quite stirring and patriotic.

As soon as the program finished, everyone turned around to leave. Except for one kid who instead charfed up a big pile of puke at the top of the stairs. Probably had too much ice cream.

I’m no Paris Hilton but camping was definitely not anything my family did. Zach comes to this project with lots of family wisdom on how to choose the best campsite and how to operate a camp shower, and I basically contribute the ability to say when I am hungry and complain about bugs.

So I’ve been learning a lot of new things on this trip. One thing that I’ve learned is that national parks are full of nerrrrrrds.

At our campground, I saw one guy sitting outside his wagon with a box next to him proudly labeled “Books for X-Country Trip.” Now don’t get me wrong, I brought books to read on the trip too. But the difference between me and this guy was that I did not lovingly hand select which vintage paperbacks I would bring with me, while chuckling along to “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” on NPR and sipping on Smuggington Grove’s Eco-Sustainable Chardonnay. I have a very strong feeling that this guy did.

There was an astronomy program listed for that evening. We didn’t exactly have any nightclub openings to hit up so off to stargaze we went. The skies in the Badlands are incredibly dark so you can really see an astonishing number of stars. The Milky Way is huge and bright and Jupiter is basically enormous.

I even learned some new facts about stars, because there were no less than three astronomers present to share their thoughts on stars. I hoped there would be a question and answer period because I wanted to ask them what exactly the applied purpose of astronomy is in 2009. Apparently there are people who still learn lots of stuff about constellations past the age of 10, who knew?

They had some fancy-pants telescopes set up for us, but since the amphitheater was near a road, plenty of people kept driving by with headlights or walking with flashlights. Obviously, light can undo your night vision, forcing you to not look at stars for a little bit while your eyes readjust.

Eventually the guy with the biggest telescope reached his breaking point and he walked down to the road and yelled, “NO WHITE LIGHT! WHITE LIGHT BAD! WE are TRYING to DO ASTRONOMY!”

He said this last not unlike a person would say “I am TRYING to SAVE THIS CHILD’S LIFE!” or “I am TRYING to DISABLE THIS BOMB!”

Continuing our tour of Iowan celebrity homes, Jayne and I headed west to confusing name triumvirate member Sioux City, Iowa. Our friend from way back, Lauren, is now an anchor at the ABC affiliate out there. Because we didn’t know when we’d actually be taking off on our journey west to escape religious persecution (too soon?), we gave Lauren a whole 24 hours max of notice. Being a veteran newswoman who works on tight deadlines and thrives on her flexibility, Lauren made it work. She was anchoring two shows Sunday but would be able to squeeze us in between the two.

After a harrowing hunt for a big cooler in a Wal-Mart*, we met Lauren and Travis for dinner at Monterey Mexican Restaurant. Our last time round in Sioux City we ate there and it didn’t disappoint. Plus, it was close to the coolers. It was good, but this isn’t no food blog so moving on.

We then followed Lauren back to her station in downtown Sioux City and watched her and her co-workers (all attractive 20 something ladies) prepare for their 10 o’clock show. This included filming bumpers and checking the facts on stories about car chases and self-defenestrations. It also included hairspray to live up to the profession.

Since Lauren’s station makes its way out to Spencer and Estherville I had seen her in action but not truly live. We did get to watch her PA (that’s production assistant for you people who know NOTHING about TV news) at NBC in Cincinnati. Earlier in Estherville we had been watching her take care of business. It’s pretty awesome. No matter where you are, you grow up watching local news and learning their schtick and developing your news crushes (I’m looking at you Beth Malicki, Catherine Nero and Heather Cabot) and basically treating those people like local celebrities. Then all of a sudden you are having a late night snack with one of those people you’ve known for years in an all night Greek diner in western Iowa.

Lauren handles that celebrity status with grace too. We got to witness some dude hit on her by announcing his plans to eat 20 pieces of french toast. I was half expecting him to dedicate his feat to her. She brushed him off a lot more kindly than I would have.

It’s definitely cool to know your friends are off doing cool stuff and not just hanging out at the bar down the street from where you grew up.

* Did you know you could take the same cooler slap some “fishing rod holders” on it, paint it white and call it “Marine” and charge $12 more?

Before kicking off the trip, Jayne and I visited her parents in Estherville. They recently moved to the northwest Iowa town and so this was only our second visit to their new place. The first time being in January. I was glad to see they actually had a front yard and front door and the mound of snow wasn’t a landscaping choice Jayne’s mom planned on sticking with.

The main goal for Lady visits is maximizing time with each other. This sometimes results in no one getting showers until midday because that would involve stepping away from the group.

Estherville is very close to Okoboji (for non-Iowans Okoboji is like Cancun for Iowa contractors and their teenage blonde daughters). I’d never actually been there when people were there since I’ve only been by when the lake was frozen. It definitely had that laid back resort feel and we were soaking it in. Each day we ventured in to the Boje for something. We had dinner at Smokin’ Jake’s next to Ruebin’s. This is important on the guided tour because this is where legendary Iowa Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Dave Lady and his band the Fabulous Traidmarx play occasionally.

Also on the tour is another Traidmarx haunt: the Barefoot Bar. This was kinda like Porky’s except the fat chicks weren’t naked. I was feeling the vibe there. The stage that is sometimes graced by the Traidmarx had a very quiet classic rock cover band fronted by a dude with an accordion. This caused me to bring up my requisite comment about how the accordion, like the name Anthony, transcends all cultures. We sat at the edge of the patio which falls in to the lake. While there we ran in to an old neighbor of Jayne’s who chatted for awhile but had to get going because he had to pick up his wife. He then hopped in his boat and went off to pick her up…in his boat.

Jayne’s dad is a breakfast and coffee fan so the next morning we were back at Arnold’s Perk (fulfilling the Friends‘ if there is a park nearby the coffee shop must pun on it rule). Dave was extolling their cinnamon rolls so we were on a mission. According to Okoboji lore, these cinnamon rolls were known to Sell Out Pretty Early. So we were like 10 people deep in the line doing the math on how many cinnamon rolls were out on the counter and how many people in front of us were getting a cinnamon roll. I wouldn’t worry about it. We got one.

Also on our visit we had Spencer Iowa’s famous Chinese food. And you thought they were famous only for that library cat. We went to Spencer to meet up with Melanie’s friend Jackie and her husband Alan. I love hanging out with them because Jackie has the same snark that I possess and Alan loves to joke and ask questions. At one point, I know he and I were discussing what town was featured in the generic backlit Chinese landscape photo that is in about 50% of all Chinese restaurants. We decided the answer was Hong Kong.

South of Spencer lies Sioux Rapids. Sioux Rapids is the confusing part of the triumvirate along with Rapid City, SD and Sioux City, IA (Sioux Falls, SD is a minor ally). They are confusing because the two word cities’ names are interchangeable. If I am talking about one, you can be sure I am meaning one of the other two cities instead.

Sioux Rapids is also home to some of Jayne’s family. We stopped by and visited great aunt and uncle Dolores and Gordon and cousin Paul. Paul and Dave grew up together playing music and rocking sweet haircuts so their conversation normally leads to that. Dolores was closest to Jayne’s grandparents who Jayne never got to meet so Dolores is always good for some great stories from the past. She’s got a great collection of pictures from all of those days including ones of Jayne’s dad with some sweet specs and a dog named Queenie. Dolores taught school for years including during the war and even fought the city to allow her to be married and remain a teacher, something that wasn’t allowed at the time. She’s written a lot of this down and organized a lot of the pictures. I’ll probably be back with a flatbed scanner soon for archival purposes.

Jayne’s mom recently got two kittens. A boy and a girl named Jake and Molly. This ensured that any downtime was filled with chase the string activities or petting a kitty harder and harder until they reacted negatively. To add to the confusion of two kittens, Dave and Melanie’s nickname for Jayne is also “Jake”. I wondered why they were yelling at Jayne to get down off the counter. Mainly because I know they love her so much that they would let her go anywhere she wanted.

Jayne and I got up Thursday morning and started to load up the Forester. We didn’t have a lot to go off of on what to pack. We knew we were limited to the back end of the Forester and I wanted to be able to see out of the thing. We also knew we wanted to go on vacation and not be washing clothes every other day. With that in mind, we filled up the two biggest suitcases we could find with enough clothes to last us a while and decided to revert back to the college “is it really dirty?” policy.

We really didn’t pack much else except for the few camping supplies we bought on Wednesday which we have yet to even test out. The dude at Scheel’s was pretty helpful and excited. I felt like a few more minutes of picking out gear with us and he would be begging to go. He told us about a breakfast place we have to eat at in Washington and whenever we mentioned another destination on our list he’d talk faster. He ultimately talked us in to a combo that we feel pretty happy with. We went there looking for warm sleeping bags and Thermarests. These were recommended to us by the Knutsons who are both a bit closer to that Bear guy than us. Our main goal was the Jayne comfort factor. I kinda married the princess and the pea girl. But she suggested this camping trip and I’m damn proud we’re doing it. Well Matt at Scheel’s talked us in to a good kind of Sanderson family meets Lady family package. We went king sized air mattress and big, sleeps-5 tent in lieu of the lighterweight, hiking-into-basecamp Thermarest and mini-igloo. The Sanderson family could be proud of the cousin Eddie (from Vacation) cheap-yet-gaudy traits while the Ladys could be proud to know their daughter is sleeping on a luxurious king-sized bed at the foot of such majesty.

To round out the mess we got my usual camera, laptops and lunchbox full of various cords, and whatever random camping stuff I’ve used in the past: camp stove with liquid propane that I don’t know how to operate, paper bowls and plates that Mom didn’t know she had and some plastic flatware we bought when we were refinishing the hardwood floors in the house and didn’t have any silverware. The usual.

All we need now is a cooler to keep a hot dog and a soda cool.

By the way, that’s Marti, me and Rihanna (from left). Marti is my old Forester that is no longer with me. No, she was not a “clunker” because she got bitchin’ gas mileage for AWD. We traded her in (along with several thousand dollars) for Rihanna a few days ago. Rihanna is a 2007 Subaru Forester Sport(s). She had 165000 fewer miles on her than Marti plus check out that scoop. I didn’t stray far though. Packing her up Thursday morning was just like packing Marti full of crap from my dorm back in 2002.

The number one tip on Camping 101 guides is to start slow: for your first time, don’t take off for weeks at a time on an overly ambitious trip. This is exactly what we’re doing. Five weeks, from Iowa up to Banff down to Santa Fe, stopping in pretty much every national park along the way.

We’re making this trip right now because we are both technically unemployed. My job at [REDACTED] doesn’t start until January and Z quit his job so that we can travel and have Kung Fu adventures until then.

Right now we are trying to get packed up so we can leave in the morning. The main obstacle to getting properly packed for me is not knowing what the hell I’m doing. My mental conception of outdoor activity basically begins and ends with the North Face display inside Scheel’s.

If you’re not a person of computers, send me your meatspace address and I’ll send you a postcard. Otherwise, this website is the exclusive authorized source of information about Zach and Jayne’s whereabouts: accept no imitations.